The lives we lead

Who would have known, or guessed, that my life would come to the point it has? In so many ways, I have been blessed...perhaps too much. I'm beginning to understand the wisdom in the statement, "Be careful what you ask for (because you just might get it)." Life is changing quickly and I find myself trying furiously to fit the pieces together, but maybe some of those pieces were not intended to be part of the bigger picture. How can one ever know that the decisions we make, in the light of day or the calm of the night, are the 'right' ones? I know we need to rely on faith and just pray that somehow we will somehow land exactly where we're supposed to at the exact right moment in time, but as imperfect humans, we constantly intervene and second guess ourselves and the 'divine plan.' A book of answers sounds appealing, but unrealistic. I did consult a guidebook in the company of another person, and we asked it a question. The question we asked had previously left us restless and confused, so we hoped the book would offer some direction or peace of mind, but it seems we also befuddled the wisdom of the ages represented in the philosophy of the I-ching.

We grow and change constantly and our environments can either support and nuture those changes or resist it...most frequently, resistance is the primary response. Systems seek equilibrium and if who I am changes, then people within my world are forced to make a choice...accomodate to those changes (thereby prompting change within themself) or refute it and deny who I am, which then prompts futher change in me (how do I respond to their unwillingness to change?). The quandry is this: What happens when the people who are the closest to us are daunted or intimidated by the personal ambition, "I want to be the best person I can be"? Because we believe they love us, we may question why this person, or people, would want us to deny our growth from experience and stifle our personal development.

While it may sound selfish, it took me several years to begin to answer the question, "Who am I?" I'm smart enough to know this is a question that will have an ever-evolving response, but I do know some of the core components of who I am, what I want, and how I want my life to be, and now that I'm equipped with this knowledge, I don't want to retreat from my efforts in allowing myself to become this person. I would think the best thing for me to do, really maybe the only thing to do, is to surround myself with those who accept me, unconditionally, and understand that sometimes the best gift you can give is the freedom to be.